So after a rather challenging day on Wednesday, I was (fortunately or unfortunately) back in the classroom this morning, ready to try again.
Considering how HARD everything was with my Juniors at first, it still amazes me that everything is going so well in there. I had to be so firm with them when they had first started spiraling out of control, which was completely out of character and comfort levels for me at first. Once order was maintained, I started to find myself bored. So the comments started slipping. Something simple like "Ok, a new class rule. No one makes fun of Mark's stupid haircut" Nothing dripping with wit or genius, but enough to make everyone laugh good naturedly and strangely, seemingly more attentive when I began my next direction. I'm still scared that it is going to come back around to haunt me with them later, but I really can't help it most the time.
Going back to my sweet little freshman was a sobering experience. As I started class:
"So yesterday we didn't get as far as I would of liked because I was a little..."
"Grouchy?" many of them cut me off. I couldn't help but smile. Leave it to a room full of 14 year olds to spell out what I had planned to say in euphemism.
Everything after that went really well, and they were being generally attentive. Again, the boredom sunk in. Finally one of the more sarcastically inclined students said something that got the whole class, including me, busting up. Another kid tacked on another quip, and for a solid three minutes I had my face in a book, out of breathe with tears rolling down my face. The class was nearly uncontrollable after that. I didn't get angry or too forceful in trying to get them back on track, since it had been almost entirely my fault. Afterall they got their work done, but perhaps not at the level of order that one would expect in an ideal situation? Even though they were, very uhh...energetic after our uncontrolable laughing fit, I have not walked out of a day of teaching so far that I have felt better about.
There has got to be a balance out there, I am sure of it. It can't just be all serious, and there has to be a way to still control it. But will it even be as good that way? Doesn't some part of this job have to remain organic?
File that with the other 2997439 things I won't be good at till I gain experience.
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2 comments:
I'm not your critical friend and I don't care! My friend told me I'm a critical friend to all my friends, so there! Thanks for your comments on my blog. It is weird, this identity-crisis we're all probably feeling a bit swirled up in. I agree completely that the "organic" aspect has to count for something and definitely feels good. I've had about three hours of that so far. And I want more. However, I get bugged out by having to be the disciplinarian. Still trying to figure that out. I'm not organized enough to be allowed to teach. Maybe one day...
It's a funny balance. You have to find the spot that works for you and your classes, knowing that tomorrow it will totally change.
Don't forget to congratulate yourself on your successes. And it seems like that class session was one.
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